We're back!!! After a few weeks of stepping back from the computer and just focusing on family (and a little sleep) i am feeling like i am in a much better place now. Looking over the back fence and talking to ‘our' wallaby is one of those places!!!
Tara is sleeping better again for which i am most thankful…. although we are still having the nights where she seems to need that reassurance we are still here 3-4 times a night….but the difference is that it isn't every night like it was so i am hopeful she is coming through this difficult stage! Elmo continues to travel everywhere with her!
Of course , as i have grown to expect…the toddler twosome seemed to have met again secretly in the quiet of night and decided to again pass the baton of behaviour and illness….just as one gets better and happier the other gets sick and clingy! Ruby is still trying to shake her cough and cold and has spent the last few days with a vomiting bug the poor darling (because really, snot all over mummy wasn't enough obviously)! I had hoped to be back blogging on Monday…but here we are Thursday already so that gives you an indication of my week so far!
But because i have caught up on a little sleep and enjoyed some downtime with a little reading and knitting (very, very basic knitting…i am in awe at all your projects lately) at night i have felt more able to cope with this latest challenge!
It really has become apparent during this last few weeks that as a Mother i have to give myself permission to be exhausted, for the house not to be a shrine to cleanliness always, for dinner to be leftovers some nights and to miss a day of washing here and there. I have a bit of a perfectionist personality and have always struggled to overcome this when i first became a parent…i had improved but sometimes it takes a few mini meltdowns to give myself a kick and realise i am doing it again.
I have to remind myself constantly that becoming a stay at home Mum is a new role for me…i have always worked full time…. first in the child care field and then in community services. I think i have been trying to combine a little too much of all those previous roles into my new role as SAHM!
I like to incorporate lots of fun activities for the girls because i enjoy using all those skills again and having the special opportunity to do them just for my girls in our lovely space here rather than in a class of 16 other toddlers …as it was when i worked in child care and had to take Miss teen with me is such a gift! However…i have now realised that i don't need to behave like i am still working in a centre…i don't have to have a new and wonderful activity for them each day….i don't have to continually provide learning opportunities as the girls are learning everyday through any play that we do and watching Mummy do her daily household tasks inside and outside of the house!
Working in community services i was managing projects on a daily basis and always crossing off my To Do lists before i went home for the day…i have been trying to manage the home like a project too I think and while aspects of that are worthwhile and helpful….sometimes it can lead to me feeling overwhelmed and not worthy of the ‘job' because i can't cross as many jobs off as i ‘need' to! I have to shift focus…running a home and providing for a family now that i am at home everyday is a different role and many tasks are just never completed…or they have to be done again next week or month. Rhonda from Down to earth (one of my favourite places to visit for inspiration and a sense of belonging) wrote recently about finding balance within the home and recognising one's worth in the work we do each day…even if at home. She talked about shifting the mindset a little and embracing the opportunities. In her book i read a line about ‘Housework never being completed' This really spoke to me as i was constantly crossing housework jobs off only to have to do them again in a few days or next week and getting a little depressed by that thought…so time for me to shift a little and see these tasks as an ongoing role and this has already taken some of the pressure off!
I guess what i am trying to share is that at the moment i am still in the process of a little self reflection and finding some family/home/me balance. I am trying to take a little of the pressure off…..i will still do lots of messy and fun acitivities with the toddler twosome that promote their learning and opportunities for play….but i won't let it become the focus of our week. I will provide targeted activities and take Ruby to early intervention services to support her developmental delays but i won't let it take over our time as a parent which i fear it was.
I will still be writing ‘To Do' lists because i love them, always have …but i need to make them a little more realistic and a little more organic. I am going to have just a little list for each day and then a bigger list for jobs that need to be done in ‘the next 6 months' rather than by next month!
I'm going to keep blogging because i love to write and i love becoming part of such a wonderfully caring and inspirational community that i am always learning from. I have discovered some lovely new blogs in the last few weeks as i allowed myself to explore and read for fun again, rather than as just part of my daily routine. These blogs have inspired me to focus a little more on the things i originally began writing about but that i thought others would find boring! I hope to still share little snippets of our lives with you as i continue to grow in the role of stay at home mum to twins and a teen (Can you believe in the next few weeks we celebrate a 16th Birthday and a 2 yr Birthday!!) Hopefully i can put a smile on your face or you will nod along side me as you share ‘one of those days' too!
And i'm going to finally end this apparent novel today by saying a huge heartfelt thankyou to everyone who left a lovely encouraging comment or emailed me to check how i was doing. You are all the reason i have wanted to get back to this comforting space of mine…i have enjoyed visiting your beautiful spaces over the past few weeks….and look forward to connecting with you again here in mine …xxxx
Warm Wishes….
Welcome back Jode! We’ve missed you in blogland, but am pleased to hear your rest from blogging has helped. Finding balance is such a challenge isn’t it! And I bet creating all the acitivites that you have been doing has been really natural to you, but how great to recognise that you can slow down and have the girls learn from you in your daily tasks (with some fun messy play thrown in when it suits!). I understand the to-do list mentality too, it is hard to change gear at home… and I do love those lists too. I hope Ruby is better soon, and wow, birthdays soon! I have being creating for you and hope to have them finished in the next 2 weeks in time for posting 🙂 And I think this is the longer comment I have ever written on a blog post! Take care, Kell xx
I’m hearing you loud and clear, you sound just like I did about 6 months ago, it’s a hard lesson to learn isn’t it, but now that the penny has dropped, and you have taken the pressure off yourself a bit, guess what, everything seems to run smoother, and you feel happier within. Don’t ask me how that works, but it does. My inspiration came from within AND coincided with Rhonda’s book, so I got lucky. Sounds to me like you do a great job. Good for you.
It seems i am in great company!! Thanks for your lovely encouraging words and Rhonda’s book is great isn’t it!!
What a beautiful reflective post, felt like I got to know you a little better. Hope those kids get well together and give you a healthy week, there’s got to be some blue skies there some day soon.
Thanks Kirsty…today the sun is shining and the girls are both happy and by the looks of it on the mend…i am in love with this day!
Glad to hear you are finding a new perspective. Being a SAHM is definitely hard, but in so many different ways. I could probably stand to be a little more structured like you! I don’t usually do these great activities with the kids, but I think I should more often. With it being summer I made a list of stuff to do. We go to swim team most mornings and some days we’re they’re a few hours. I don’t feel I need to do more on those days, but on the days when we just go to practice and come back, or don’t have it at all, I’m trying to come up with some more things to do. A wise friend once told me when my big girls were about 2 that a good rule is to do something “fun” every day. Just one thing is enough! And she said some days that one thing is a popsicle! So in other words, one something that is different or something for them to get excited about and I’ve always found that to be great advice. As for the housework, ugh. I recently wrote a blog about how I’m a good mom but not really a good housewife. I’m okay but we’ll leave it at that. And I’m kind of okay with that. I’m still trying to find my groove after two sets of twins where I was in survival mode for an extremely long time. Not in survival mode anymore but haven’t completely figured out what I should or want to do with myself when the kids are just playing nicely in the house. Like now. 🙂
I love your friends wise words…really something to aim for and probably help to take some of the stress away! from reading your blog it sounds as though you do plenty with your girls…i wouldn’t worry about trying to always include more…perhaps just have a little craft cupboard and let them help themselves to creativity…just as much fun!!
Have fun trying to work out what to do when they are playing well…i’d give the housework a miss and have a hot cuppa lol!!!
so glad that you’re back! being a sahm is tough and we do have to get ourselves credit for the many hats we wear. 🙂
Hoping that your girls are feeling better. Sickness shared between siblings is always difficult to cope with. Hopefully you will have some time to recharge your batteries too. I was very interested in your perspective as a child care worker. Sometimes I have felt guilty for not offering enough activities and such, but forget that they also learn a lot just by following us around and “helping” at times.
It is so good to read your words. Balance is important. It sounds like you are having a great time with your children.
Yay, you are back. I loved the honesty in this. I really think that most Mum’s feel this way from time to time. I just think that not everyone admits it. Some times, when things are overwhelming, you need to admit that things aren’t working and put it out there…before you can figure out the answer. Like you say,”sometimes it takes a few mini meltdowns”. You just have to figure out what IS working and do more of that and then figure out what ISN’T working and do less or none of that. It really is a juggling act, hey?
I love Rhonda’s blog and Down to Earth Forums. I believe we have “chatted” on them. I am twoandthree! Her “housework is never complete” words really resonated with me too. When I find myself wanting to get it all done. I remind myself that there is always tomorrow.
One tip that I find helpful with dinners is to cook enough for two nights. A huge lasagne or two roast chooks ( next night have it with salad) and I use my slow cooker heaps.
Can I ask, do you plan daily activities with a childcare perspective in mind? Varying the activities and themes and providing child led activities or do you just make sure they have a variety in their days. Just curious, as I am actually studying childcare and am interested in your approach and whether you are planning as a Mum or as a Childcarer? Does that make sense??? I initially found your blog when I was searching for activities to do with my kiddies at home but…decided to save it as I thought some of your fabulous ideas would come in handy for study!
Anyway, Enough RAMBLING!!!
Lovely to see you here! I thought of you as i was folding my 4 baskets of washing on a Saturday night lol!!!
Actually, i have been trying to cook some double meals and also using the leftovers and turning them into meals rather than trying to have a fabulous meal ready each night so great advice there!!
I hadn’t thought about how i plan the girl’s activities until you asked that question…and really i think i do a little of both but mainly from a childcare perspective because that is what i did for so many yrs i think! I often think about what we did that worked when in the baby rooms and now the girls are older the toddler room. But i am also a bit of a planner so i do often think about what we will do the next day (without being overly zealous about it of course!)I think i plan as a Mum…taking into account their moods, illnesses, clinginess etc but also as a former childcare worker aware of developmental stages and activities enjoyed by their ages. All my ideas pretty much come from things i did many years ago in child care centres but also develop from the interests they show in things and our surroundings. I think if you are studying childcare you will find it becomes second nature to plan out and do activities with your own kids as well as make up new activity ideas…that don’t always work lol!Let me know if you ever need a sounding board or some ideas with your study…happy to help…thanks so much for saving us!!! xx
Well, if it is any consellation, I was probably folding washing too. 🙂
Glad the double meals are working for you. I love not having to cook on the second night!
Thanks for answering my question. I am glad you understood my rambling question. I thought that was pretty much what you did. Since working at daycare centres, I have realised what fantastic activities they come up with.
Have a great week. 🙂
Ahh you and I sound so much alike! while I only worked full-time for 6 months my entire life, I realized from reading this how I often view being a wife, mom, and housewife as a “job” and if things don’t go a certain way I feel like I’m not good enough at my job, or, as you said, “not worthy of the job.” I’ve had to really scale back on the messy/crafty activities just because they overwhelm me and then other things suffer…striving so hard to educate my son through play I forgot to just have fun with him ya know? I put it all away for a few weeks…yesterday HE asked to get out the crayons and things went so much better when he initiated than when I did!
Anyway, it’s great to see you “grow” through this process!
I can relate very much to what you shared here, Jode. Until a coupe years ago, I had always worked outside the home, usually two jobs – teaching at a university and hospital/ childcare work for kids with medical needs. My transition to motherhood has been a rocky one for so many of the same reasons you mentioned. It is by far the hardest “job” I’ve ever had!!
-Jaime
So lovely to know i am in good company….us Mothers often have so much other life experience we forget about when motherhood comes along i think! It is definitely a harder job than the ones i have been paid for!!!
Wonderful that you’re back here again blogging. I know exactly how you feel and have been experiencing similar feelings lately too. I’m a perfectionist and kept feeling like I was falling behind all the time. Now I have a realistic to do list, focus on the really important priorities and things like a washing basket full to the brim, unmade beds etc. don’t bother me as much. You’re so right about not having to have a wizz bang activity everyday for your girls. I’ve had to accept this too because as you say, daily interactions and activities are all learning in themselves. I like the phrase above about ‘housework never being completed’ – I think it’s such an important line to keep in mind 🙂