You may think that title is a little over the top but for me it is a true achievement! Since the twins were born i have tried various times to get out to playgroups with them as i know isolation is a huge factor with postnatal depression and i had/have become a bit of a hermit since the girls were born which isn't good for them or me!
However, Playgroup visits usually ended with me in tears at home although the girls often enjoyed themselves. I always felt like a bit of a ‘odd duck' at playgroup, i never got to meet the other parents or sit and be sociable with a cup of tea because i was always running in opposite directions trying to keep each twin from hurting themselves or giving some individual attention while they explored new surroundings, kids and toys.
I had mother's judge me because one would climb and fall over at the opposite end of the room and start crying while i was trying to attend to the other at the same time. I was actually told i ‘should watch them a little closer when at playgroup….it's up to the parents to supervise their children!” Then she walked back over to her 1 child who was sitting quietly playing on a mat and picked up her cup of tea. I felt like the worst mother….they had entered the climbing stage and let's just say the environment wasn't really set up for younger children (even though described as a 0-5 yr playgroup)I was frantically running after them the whole time, no cups of tea for me, but i just couldn't be everywhere at every moment when there were 2 of them!
I tried another but couldn't get the double pram into the building and it was just too hard to try and get bags and 2 babies from a car into a building on my own…i felt useless and such a failure as i really wanted to be a ‘normal' Mum who could do these things for and with her kids……i kept trying but then i just began to accept that i couldn't do all the things i had done when i had just one child…..much as i didn't want to admit it, having twins made things more difficult.
I still have no idea how i will ever be able to take the toddler twosome to swimming lessons or kindygym classes…those activities where they require you to be with your child supporting them. How do i do it with two? I have heard many similar comments on the multiples forums and the consensus seems to be that you just have to wait until they are older to try these sorts of activities.It is frustrating and seems so unfair to them at times which is why i decided to have another go at playgroup now that they are 2 and i can at least get from the car without needing the pram!
I had been looking at the ad in the community paper for this playgroup for over a month trying to work up the courage to attend…although i do try and provide lots of activities and fun for the toddler twosome at home i can tell they are getting bored and needing some extra socialisation.
The reason for this post is that i was just so excited today that i had to share with someone! I felt like a normal parent for the first time in 2 years ( apart from the endless ‘are they twins?' questions but i am used to them now!) This playgroup is run in a little pre-school and has a fantastic shady outdoor area they are free to roam in as well as undercover activities. Because it was fenced i felt secure that they couldn't run off and it was just so child friendly that i relaxed immediately. There was a lovely facilitator that looked after everyone and made us feel welcome…and also helped when my attention was on one child and not the other for a moment!
There was room for them both to explore outside in their own little ways and although i was still running around everywhere with no time to stop and chat i was just so happy to be able to wander around playing with both and then stand back at times and marvel at how these girls are growing. They were so happy to be in a new environment and stared with wonder at the older children when they came out to play.
They sat and ate fruit and drank water from cups like big girls and i was just so proud of them….and me. I did it…..i took them to playgroup and i enjoyed it too….i wasn't stressed or feeling like a bad mummy and i realised i have now learnt a lot about being a twin Mummy and how to cope when in a situation like this.
It also had so much to do with the environment though….it was age-appropriate, child friendly and secure. Unlike trips to the playground (which i normally only attempt with Daddy in tow) i could let them run and investigate on their own. I enjoyed being back in a lovely preschool environment and rejoiced in the play all of the children were engaging in. It reminded me why i began working in childcare all those years ago. I left the industry because i became disappointed with the big money maker operators taking over the centres i was working in and it seemed child care was no longer about the children. I'm so happy to see that some wonderful places do still exist.
This was meant to be a quick post…there aren't any photos as i was sure i wouldn't find a moment to take one…..but their smiles and the light in their eyes as they began to explore and socialise are firmly imprinted on this twin Mummy's heart.
I know it must seem like such a small thing to many but I have finally conquered a playgroup…..and loved it. I think we will visit again next week…..I can't wait!
Warm Wishes
It all sounds fantastic….so glad you got out to do something with the girls, and for you…I find being out during the week for playgroup and kindyballet that I get to talk to other mums and it makes me feel , normal again…its important for stay at home mums to have that outlet…none of my friends are at home with their kids, they either work or put the children into care, so I often feel isolate at home with my choice…I do not regret it , but it has been ten years now at home…and I do enjoy the company of the mums during the week for those few hours….good for you again, and I really hope that you make it a regular thing…………x
I must admit i am missing the company of other adults to talk to at the moment and feared i was getting a littletoo comfortable with just my own company! I shall be endeavouring to at least attempt to grab some time to chat to the others this visit i think! I know what you mean about being isolated in that choice as i feel the same within my circle for various reasons at the moment x
Oh I can so relate to your playgroup woes…
So many of these kinds of activities are not easy when you have two to look after. I first became aware of that when I signed up for a baby massage class and had another mother tell me that my crying baby was ruining her ‘calm space’.
I didn’t do swimming lessons or kinder gym… a shift working husband who can’t always be there on the prescribed day and two kids requiring an adult each just made it impossible.
And the places you can’t fit with a twin pram… makes you realise how tough it must be to access things if you were in a wheel chair…
But I am so glad you have found a play group where you can at least feel at ease… and I am sure after a few weeks you might even be able to chat, for a second or two!
Kate…i often think the exact same thing about wheelchair access since i have had to navigate a double pram, has made me much more aware of the challenges they must face and how we just don’t do enough to provide easier access!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts…made me feel so much better as i tried the baby massage class too (after much prompting)and had pretty much the same experience as you. Many were sympathetic but i could also see they were resenting me a little. I definately won’t be trying lessons any time soon, have recognised my limits now!
My goal at the playgroup this week is to attempt a brief chat!!
Good on you! I can relate to everything you said. I also have 2 year old twin girls and have just started taking them to playgroup (with their 3 1/2 year old sister) and we are all loving it. Playgroups can be very daunting…there are no mothers there my age (they are all older) but we just have to remember that it’s for the kids =) Love reading your posts!
Thanks for commenting Kelly…goodness you must be busy too! I have always found the playgroups daunting…even when i only had one….but if you can find one that is well set up and welcomes new mothers into the group i think they are great. A shame you don’t have any parents there closer to your age but you are right….it is indeed for the kids, good for you getting there with toddlers and a 3 yr old!!! Thanks so much for reading too x
Jode, that’s fantastic!!!!!!! Good for you… what a nice change in the weekly routine for you. New and different stimulation for the girls means good naps all around 🙂 Two fold benefit for Mum! You do so much with them and they are so very fortunate to have such a loving, attentive Mother XO Wish I could come and help keep an eye on the girls so that you could have a cup of tea with the other Mums…
Is there a twin Mum playgroup? That would be REALLY well set up would’t it???? LOL
Good for you for getting out – it must be a royal feat, but you DID it! 🙂
I so wish there was a twin playgroup….i have spoken with other Mum’s on forums who have one in their area and they are so helpful! I even thought about starting my own a few months ago but not sure i could cope with the stress of the committment right now!
Thanks for such a lovely comment…you made my day x
That’s so awesome!!! big congrats! 🙂 🙂 I know how hard it is to leave your comfort zone for something new, you should definitely be WAY proud of yourself!! 🙂 🙂
Thanks Ky….lovely of you to drop by and leave a comment…it definately was a little out of my comfort zone lol!
So soooooo happy for you! How often does this group meet? I hope you can go back!!!
Thanks Aprille…they meet every Friday so going to try to go regularly!
oh yay! i’m sooo happy for you! i bet the girls loved it! it’s really hard for me to adapt to those types of situations. i’ve actually started my own at our library..
Good for you Andie! I have thought of starting my own twin group but never quite got there!
Great news..I wrote more in my email but just had an additional thought re swimming. Could you find a teacher that teaches in their backyard and might be willing to take one twin while you take another. Ginger learns at a backyard pool and the teacher has been taking her by herself while I wait for Tom Kitten to be old enough to start. He starts in a couple of weeks time.
That’s a good idea Sarah, may be the way togo. I remember learning at a private pool when i was younger with my brother! Is Ginger enjoying her lessons?
That is so great! Some women can be so judgemental It’s hard to get out there and put your parenting on display. The Key is just trying things out until you find something that fits you. I’d love you share your story on my blog All About Playgroups. You’re story is inspirational and a great example of why we all need to keep trying. :0)
Thanks Crystal….do you have a blog address you could share…i couldn’t get there through your profile as it says it is blocked? Lovely of you to comment thankyou x
What an awfully rude mum, I have had pretty good playgroup experiences but the sitting around all morning does get to me and I found I didn’t make it a priority. When my son was about your daughters age I set up a vegie garden group with some friends, they had kids a similar age and it made a wonderful outdoor play for them and provided great stimulation for me. We started as a group of three, meeting to garden for a few hours a week at each others houses, and are now at 16 – probably a little larger than ideal but it became hard to say no, there are not so many little ones any more – a bigger adult child ratio but it is the highlight of my daughters week. I think the problem with playgroups as you have more kids is the discussions stay the same – nappies, breastfeeding, teething, tantrums….but you’ve already been there before and they can get a little tiresome (not to knock them, they are incredibly valuable first time round). Anyway that was a bit of a rant, glad you found one that works, must be very tricky keeping your eye on two.
I feel very similar to you Kristy….i don’t really actually enjoy sitting around chatting as i feel guilty and prefer to be in there playing with the girls anyway. I just would like to be able to at least introduce myself and say hi occasionally though lol!
What a fantastic idea your outside vegie garden group is….i’m going to give that one some thought as my girls love outdoors and their garden!
Not a rant at all….i agree with what you said…i just thought i was the only one and part of the reason i haven’t tried to hard with the playgroup thing….but this time i wanted to do it for the girls to get them out socialising and experiencing new things…if i get some socialisation from it too then that’s great but not my main concern!
I’m sorry to have not been commenting on your posts as much…i love them but everytime i click onto your page at the moment my internet drops out and i can’t work out why? I’m trying to figure it out so i can solve the problem and get back to commenting….any ideas?
I’m so pleased for you. It must be very hard having two to look after. Even when my friend nips to the loo on a play date and I’m left looking after two I start to panic about what I’d do if they went in opposite directions. I’m so glad you found a safe and happy environment.And who knows maybe you’ll even get a cup of tea next time
Thanks Ray…the panic is the worst feeling!
PS I shared this on the Sunday Parenting Party Pinterest board
Thanks so much for pinning!
I could have written the first part of your post myself!! It’s really hard doing anything like this with twins, so well done you and I’m so glad you enjoyed it. It’s really nice when they start to get older and it all gets a little bit more manageable. We go to a twins group once a week but like you I’ve had bad experiences at regular playgroups – maybe I might give them another go!
It’s still hard watching the 2 of them but at least it’s a little better than some others i have attended! Thanks for giving me a little hope lol!I so wish we had a twins group here though!
Hi there
I so remember those days! I was lucky in the sense that I found a great soft play at my local leisure centre. It was secure and safe, although my girls still had the odd accident.
You have hit the mail on the head when you say it’s about finding the right one. I have been to many that have had me in floods of tears.
My girls are 3 now and I can promise you it does get easier! I am now one of the mothers that sit with a cup of tea and let the girls get on with it. I would say 2 1/2 is a big turning point! They are a lot less reliant on you and you may get to have that much needed break 😉
I’m a bit scared still of our soft play centre as it isn’t very secure and Ruby ended up in the kitchen while Tara was on the big jumping castle last time…stress lol! Glad you found a great one!
I’m so glad you said it gets easier…thankyou for the hope!!Thanks also for stopping by!
Can I just say…YES! I always feel a little sad after I go to playgroup, even though I have a regular one I’ve been attending for quite a while with my twins. I hate feeling like the odd one out! I just keep telling myself…this too shall pass. What else can I do? Yeah for little victories in our lives!!
Have a great day!
Stephanie @ http://www.two-daloo.com
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Oh it makes it so much easier if you have people who understand and take the time to help you. I have two groups I go to, one is the twins club so everyone understands what it is like an
D the other is a brilliant group which has lots of volunteer helpers. It was still really tricky when the twins were smaller. It’s just easier to stay in the house sometimes. I’m pleased you’ve found somewhere you like.
One of the twin mums in my Mothers of Multiples group posted a link to this post. Oh how I can relate! My twin boys are 17 months now and it is still sooo hard to go to playdates. I do actually want the chatting and interaction with the other moms. I spend a huge chunk of my time playing with my kids, so I want them to have the opportunity to play with other kids – without me on top of them – and I want to have some grownup conversation. But I can’t do that. If they see anything resembling an escape route, they are gone. Most of my playdate attempts still end in tears and make me so exhausted. People keep telling me that in the next 12-18 months that will all change. That seems like a long way off though!
Hey Jode, I can totally relate on how hard playgroups can be. We move around the country a bunch and I’m always having to start over with friends and playgroups formy two year old and me. It can be so intimidating and some playgroups are much better than others. I know it’s hard with one child, let a long two! Goood job Mama! Thanks for sharing your experiences at The Sunday Parenting Party. I’m featuring this post tomorrow. Come by to see it and grab a button! http://www.dirtandboogers.com
Hey jode.. I am struggling to find play dates and play groups like this. What is his community web site you are talking about? I often find myself not being invited to play dates after one or two times because either people are not understanding as to why I am unable to interact with them or because the boys were not behavin the way they wanted them to. This is depressing and hoping I can find something that everyone will be happy about